Today, I’m Cleaning Out My Closet

I have documented my struggles with coping with my closet (I know, total first word problem). So instead of complaining, moving, or buying more stuff to organize my stuff, I activated the six months to year rule. The rule being,if I had not worn it in six months to year it had to go (with the exception of professional work attire which I do not use at the moment). There was some stuff I had been holding on to since ’05-’06, for real, and to make matters worse, it still had tags on it–ya’ll!  I am not proud of this but, hey.

On a mission, I  blew off my normal workout and looked at this cleaning out process as cardio and strength training. I packed out several things that were just rags to the dumpster (2-4o gallon trash bags), 1 large Ikea bag was for consignment (Keshia gotta get paid 🙂 ), and  2 – 40 gallon bags for donation..I chose Goodwill. In the end I was rewarded with around 300 calories lost, $70 from consignment (this is a big deal–because I hardly ever pay full price for anything), supporting the mission of Goodwill (creating job opportunities for those willing to learn and work), and welcoming new space in my home, as well as finding some cool stuff I forgot I owned.

I still have a few other pieces I need to unload like some Vera Bradley & Coach accessories, and a pair of patent leather Cole Haan peep-toe pumps–I’ll get to it.

Once everything was out of the way I felt relieved. With the holidays and gifts being thrown around consider re-gifting or consignment to save money or donate to places like Goodwill to help others and your taxes.

 

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Careerist: Life or something similar

Photo of Parry Ernsberger from HelloGiggles.com

I ran across this great post on HelloGiggles.com this morning and I had to share. Parry Ernsberger wrote a very relevant article titled, Finding Happy Things in Unhappy Places. The awesomeness and amazeballs timing of this piece is ridiculous. I have been having this conversation with a couple of my friends and we are honestly making plans to work together to get our crap in check.

Fortunately, none of us are dealing with a broken heart but unhappy, negative places we can write volumes about. Personally, I can fill the first two…just being honest. There are several things that Parry hits on that are so spot on that I felt like I wrote them myself.

Before the critics jump in and say she is whining or our generation is full of babies…blah, blah, blah. I believe this article is the complete opposite of that. With most slumps, in order to get out of them you have to go through the phases. The most important thing is how you handle moving forward. Anyone can sit and complain but Parry does something awesome by making a plan and taking a risk.

So here is snip from the article below. To read the entire article hop on over to HelloGiggles.com.

Most people think you’ve already made it when you move to New York City. “New YAWK!” they would exclaim when I returned home to North Carolina for the first time since my move. “Don’t you just looove it?” people would coo before offering up their own favorite part of the city, which usually included a department store trip or a Broadway show or some “cute little restaurant” in Soho. “Best city in the world!” I’d nod with gritted teeth. I didn’t just love it. And I wasn’t going to Soho for anything, ever.

Online Dating…ehhh, not for me

There. I did it. I tried for a whole week and boy, was it the longest week EVER!! I joined three websites: OKCupid, JDate, & eHarmony…all three were a bust. Perhaps it is just me but the responses I got were…well…umm, yeah, no thank you.

It is bizarre to me at 40 years old men do not have their stuff together and of course those are the ones I attract. I am thrilled I did not devote too much to this process and not I can say, I did it.

Just to give you some idea of the stats

Guy A: Divorced, 42, frozen foods manager at a grocery store (is that even a thing, frozen food manager?!?!) his goal was to be the store manager–I guess by the time he was 50.

Guy B: Single, three kids, 41, claims his whole world revolves around his kids and sport (um, where would I fit in that equation?), loved sci-fi and graphic novels (this to me equals porn), works as an entrepreneur (um…unemployed)

Guy C: Single, wants kids, 38, likes quiet nights in except for the Friday nights when he and his date MUST hang out with his friends at a certain restaurant in the mall. (I can’t make this up people!!)

This is just a sample of the unbelievable shit that is my life. I know cursing is bad–dude, whatever; sometimes you just need to let it rip. All together now SHIIIT!

One thing that was really cool (well at least cool to me) I love playing with numbers and making them fit somewhere…in other words statistical analysis (and you wonder why I am single). Any who, based on the questions I answered at OkCupid, I got this lovely little chart letting me know the best and worst states and countries for me to find love. Guess what? I copied it just to share with you all 🙂Love Map

 

No more Ms. Nice Girl

no more nice girl

 

That’s it! I’ve had it, seriously. It seems like every time I do something nice, I get kicked in the ass all the time. I’m over it! All my life I have done the right thing, ignored and walked away from situations where I really wanted

 

to lose it and what do I have to show for it…NOTHING! Sure people say she is so nice and pleasant–but dammit pleasant don’t do a thing.

Woman Stressed

 

It’s seriously just is my nature. I don’t even think about it {being nice} until someone makes me aware it. For example, I have an elderly neighbor who gets the newspaper delivered daily. The lazy newspaper man just throws it toward her door, never checking to see if it actually gets to her. SO in steps stupid me…ugghh! Every morning as I walk out to walk Andy I stop pick up the paper and put it on the mat in front of her door–really, every morning. My rationale is that she will simply have to open the door and bend down and not scoot out the house and pick up the paper. No one ask that I do this and I don’t expect any reward, it just seems right.

Okay, so this is not saving the world but hey, its the little things, right?

I have my own daily stress but I still manage to call those people close to me and check to see how they are doing and so on. Do they even remotely return the sentiment? NO!! They only call when the need or want something–all the while still never bothering to even ask, “How are things going?” Most times they don’t even give a greeting and go right into what they need and what is bothering them–I’m not exaggerating here; people do this to me on a daily basis.

So, I’ve had enough! I’m done. I am verbally flipping you the bird and saying “Back the off and show some consideration!” From now on there is no more Ms. Nice Girl. Talk s*it, you’re getting it back and I don’t care if you’re feelings get hurt. This will now take place in every part of my life work, school, family life, strangers–you name it, they gettin’ it.nice girls dont get it

After doing some research on being too nice, I found out that this is a thing and there are books and a movement on The Nice Girl Syndrome.

nice girl syndrome

 

Besides, as I have learned from the title of this book–s*it’s about to get real.why men marry bitches

To do or not to do: Online Dating

obline dating

I’m a born and raised Kentucky girl! Translation, it means that by the age of 25, if you’re not married and on your way to being knocked up then something is horribly wrong. Well, I have not been 25 for quite sometime and trust me at 25, I was certainly not thinking about being married or having a kid…I still was one! This notion of being married at such a young age still holds true in the Commonwealth. I recall sitting at a table full of liberal activist–well, liberal for Kentucky, and the consensus was if you’re not married by 30 then something is wrong with you. Wait, what?!?! So, what did I do? I picked up and moved to Washington, DC where things made sense. I could be young a free.

Move forward about 7 years and here I am back in Kentucky and running into all the same issues.

Since my move to Kentucky dating has been…um…well…let’s just say, I would rather stay at home with my dog or go for dinner with the girls.  Nothing wrong with that. There is nothing I appreciate more than a quiet Saturday evening at home with a glass of wine and When Harry Met Sally or You’ve Got Mail. Yeah, I’m one of those girls.

But the past year my schedule has been super hectic and there are just days when I’m not really in the mood to hang out with the girls and you can only see your dog lick himself so many times, so I need to find a boy to hang out with, right? In my day-to-day life I don’t meet many men believe it or not. Generally at school it’s all women, volunteering– I meet only women, and so on. So every other week this year someone is telling me to go online and in theory that sounds perfectly legitimate. I shop online, work online, learn stuff online; why not date?

Here’s why not. It’s creepy. People are crazy and what if no one responds? I can’t be a failure at something as simple as online dating…right? Also, I don’t want to run the risk of meeting:

This guy

This guy

or

this guy

this guy

I am just looking for a nice, funny, able to carry on a conversation guy without the crap. I don’t want to play games…I’m too old. I don’t want the stress…I have enough. And, I will NOT put up with BULLSHIT. Plain and simple, I want an adult who has their head on straight but likes to have fun. No, 34-year-old frat boys, wannabe thugs, wannabe rappers or whatever else is out there. Just be yourself and about something…stand for something!

And the all important thing, I don’t want to end up like this matchcom1 because when I get better–you better hope I don’t get better.

I know these are extreme and people have met some really great people on-line. So in order for me to try this what is a good site for Louisville, KY to meet decent people for online dating.

Please lend your advice.

Mom Bombs!!


mom grenade

Sitting at dinner with my mom, made me think back to an episode of Modern Family. In the episode, Luke looks into the camera and smugly says, “Sometimes I like to throw a grenade and run away.” If you missed this episode, it is the one when Gloria announces she is pregnant and Luke decided to plant the idea that the baby will get more attention, to Manny. This verbal grenade is like a real grenade—it carries a punch.

My mother…my sweet beautiful, southern mother, the woman who gave me life; is great a dropping grenades! She is Special Forces level when it comes to them. Like real grenades, verbal grenades can’t be stopped once detonated.

My mother has often dropped grenades about my dating life. My response has always been “I don’t have time to really worry about that.” Which in all honestly…I don’t. Between relocating to Louisville, working full-time, grad school, Junior League, YNPN, Andy, and trying to fit in a work out, I just don’t have the time. However, this has not stopped her from bringing up the subject all the time…yeah, all the time.

Here is the military-like strategy my mother used to get to her point. Trust me, Huck has nothing on her.

Infiltrate behind enemy lines: During dinner she casually starts asking questions about my friends and their families, children, and marriages.

Gain their trust: She then begins to ask about a few of my friends who graduated undergrad close to when I did.

ATTACK: Finally, she narrows in on her target and says “Well, you, Crystal, and Daphne (names changed to protect the innocent) all graduated around the same time and none you are married or dating…what’s up with that?”

My expression afterwards was pretty much this

My reaction was similar to this

Did she really just say that?!? Um, yes she did. What should I say next? How do I handle this? Why can’t I think of anything…I want to do crisis management for a career, and I can’t think of a da#n thing to say to my mother who has just dropped this on me!!!! I’m a communicator da##it! WTH?!?!? As these and other colorful thoughts started to mosh in my head I finally came up with; I think I should really look into getting a new vet for Andy. He keeps looking at his butt.

Does anyone in your life ever drop bombs? Are you a bomb dropper? Please tell.

What I’m Reading: Feminista by Erica Kennedy

ImageAmazon has it crazy cheap right now.

I don’t recall how I stumbled across this book–maybe on Twitter, I don’t know. I’m glad I did though. I liked it a lot. This book which I did not expect had me asking a great deal of questions about myself. I know I am not the beautiful and exotic Sydney Zamora (most days I’m hardly even passing for okay looking) but I related a lot to this character. Minus the high paying job interviewing celebrities and svelte abs.

However, on so many things I relate. It has made me recall more than I’d like to admit, conversation I have had with people at their wits end with me about how arrogant I can come off or how distant I am. Huh?? Apparently, the impression I give off is a whole heck of a lot cooler than I actually am. Granted, I say this because like Sydney I am extremely guarded. I am, I own it. With that said, I have found no reason to be an open book. I have this blog and I have made one or two very personal post…it’s out there. I do not use it however to post my every random thought, issue, or latest woe. Seriously, who wants to hear that. I once worked with someone and had an awkward relationship with someone else, who constantly said, ” I just can’t read you?”. My thought, Why the hell do you want too? I am sure this is why romantic relationships and I don’t do very well.

Back to the book. As I began reading this book and I looked for more from the author only to find out that the she had passed away earlier this year. This was a bummer for more than one reason. I have long looked for a chick-lit type book with a complex cast of characters. The characters in the book were of all colors, ethnic groups, and sexual orientations. This was important to me for several reasons: 1) The author is African-American, 2) This was a story for everyone. 3) I  did not have to deal with ebonics in the dialouge, 4) The environment was relatable. On top of that we got to discover the characters anxieties and insecurities. We learned that she was anxiety medication and like some of us in out late-20s and 30s we still have no idea what we are doing.

I will say that this is not the best book ever written but I do not regret reading it and I would recommend it to people I know that want to read something where the main character understands your plight.